he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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