I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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