and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize