u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
