I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
