He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
