East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
