Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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