That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
