Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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