Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
