He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize