WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
