I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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