Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
