I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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