They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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