"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
