I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
