Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize