He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
