i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
