I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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