and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize