I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
