Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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