I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
