the condom got lost in my hair
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
