I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize