He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
