SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
