I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
