what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
