You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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