we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
