Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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