I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
