Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have fence marks all over my body
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize