You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
