Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
