we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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