the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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