Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
id be glad to
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
