Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
