I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
