During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
