too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
