Where did you get a picture of my penis
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
