47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
