My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
