why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We need to get me chipped asap
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize