He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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