When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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