this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you traded sex for a burrito?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sext me about skeletons
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
