Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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