Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
