Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
