is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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