I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
