Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just pee around me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize