she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
