hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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