Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
