I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
