You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
