i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
