im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
