Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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