I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
