grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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