look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
