what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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